Interestingly, I just got off the phone with my son’s school before writing this…a call I told myself I did not need to make, and yet…🤭🏃🏾‍♀️ (Missed the first part? Catch up here)

I cannot count the number of times I have been tempted to engage my child’s school to discuss one issue or the other. Sometimes from observations I have made, other times from my son’s account of what his school-day was like.  On many occasions, I have decided against it and successfully overlooked the issue. Other times I wait for the school to reach out to me on something else, and then at the end of the call or conversation, I take the opportunity to check on what I am not clear on. 😁

Many parents I know decide against contacting their child’s school if they have concerns because the assumption is that their child may be labelled negatively or it may affect the way they are treated by the teachers. But if your child’s school starts being hostile towards your child because you drew their attention to something, then maybe you should not have taken your child there to begin with. 👀

Recently, I heard about parents who had some concerns and decided to discuss it with the head of their child’s school. The conversation ended on a note of ‘If you do not like how we handle things here, you are free to withdraw your child but we will not be refunding any fees paid.’ I have also heard of some pretty extreme reactions from schools after the parents voiced out concerns on specific issues; from children being asked to sit out on lessons all day, to children being given mean names and then to teachers refusing to teach that particular child. (Who is regulating these places?🤔)

Even though our son’s school is very welcoming of parents’ views and keeps asking for feedback every now and then, I still hesitate to make that call. I ask myself:

• What exactly is the issue?
• Do I need to engage at all?
• Which things do I need to handle at the school level?
• Which ones can I address directly with my child?

I have learnt to pick and choose which things are absolute no-nos and which ones can be overlooked. By all means, address any concerns you may have but keep the purpose for your reaching out to the school, in mind.

Before you go to your child’s school to rain fire and brimstone, take a deep breath and calm down. Do not dial school line or drive over just yet. First make a decision on what the best way to approach the issue is. Determine whether you even need to talk to the school at all or if there is an alternative way to handle things. If you decide to talk to the school, allow a few hours or a day or two, if you are extremely upset, before you contact the school. Unless of course, it is health-related, in which case, it is an entirely different situation.

Direct your concerns to the appropriate authority. Should you be talking directly to the teacher, school administration or the Head. What is the school’s policy on how to handle concerns? Is your approach intended as a direct attack to the teacher? There was an incident I was told of where a parent directly walked to a class to confront a teacher over a text message communication. In reply to an earlier request from the parent, that teacher had sent a message asking the parent if she (the teacher) was on the parent’s payroll, and to ask why the parent had the impression that they (the parents) can instruct her (the teacher).

Aim at putting a message across and not an emotional display. Try to keep your emotions in check and focus on the actual issue that needs to be addressed. Are you Reacting (giving an emotional response) to the situation OR are you Responding (addressing the issue in a manner that brings a solution that actually works) to the situation?

When you see something positive, commend the school. Some parents only contact their child’s school when there’s an issue. Every time their child’s school hears from them (parents), it’s always complaints, lightning and thunder all over. 😂 It takes a lot of effort to cater to each child’s unique needs in a class of children of diverse personalities and backgrounds. So when you see something you like – progress in your child’s academics or whatever – just a message or an email is very encouraging to the school.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with addressing your concerns with your child’s school. You should not have to bear the uneasiness if you have concerns, but that does not mean you should constantly be ‘attacking’ the school. An approach can make or unmake a situation. Like I usually say: It’s usually not the WHAT but the HOW of the WHAT.

All the best. Stay safe

*Dusts off blog* A lot has changed since my last post: ‘BACK TO SCHOOL‘. In the past two weeks, I have been trying to find a balance in what has become my new routine. More on that later, but for now…

Back when I was in second grade (or class two, as it was called then), our teacher, when planning the class seating, would pair talkative students with quiet ones. I was not much of a talker back then (Why do you look surprised? 😏) so a classmate, who was known to tell jokes and goof quite a bit, was asked to be my sitting partner. He would usually randomly break into a narration about something that happened at home or with his older brother.

In Math class one day, my new sitting partner started talking as usual. Honestly, I was more attentive of the math lesson than what he was saying, and I ignored him. So when our teacher asked if anyone wanted to volunteer to solve the math problem she had written on the board, my hand was one of the first to shoot up. She looked around the classroom. There were many little palms waving excitedly in the air, hoping to be called so they could show how smart they were. The teacher called one of my classmates. She (my classmate) had been a bit distracted and so she was unable to solve the math problem.

My hand was still high up. “Me! Me! Me! Me!” I was flicking my little palm forwards and backwards to catch the teacher’s attention. The teacher looked in my direction, spotted my talking sitting partner and punished us both; him, for talking during the lesson, me, for ‘listening’. But that was the thing; I actually was not listening to him. Otherwise, I would not have had my hand up with so much enthusiasm, practically jumping in my seat, begging to be called to solve the math problem. I really cried that day and decided that I too would report my teacher to my mother, and she would query the teacher like the other parents used to do (fingers crossed). At least I hoped she would.

You see, my mother’s response to most complaints my early-years-self made to her was: “Don’t mind her (or him)”. So I decided I would need to ‘help’ her react differently. I made a plan to wait till my mother comes to pick me after school, then I’ll start crying all over again. (My mischievous little self😅). Well, there was no need to, because I actually cried the whole day till she came. When she arrived to pick me after school, I told her what happened and waited for her reaction. I thought, “Maybe, if I got lucky, she would handle things Robert’s (not his real name) mother’s style this time.“

Robert was my schoolmate whose mother did not hesitate to come to the school to ‘shake’ students and teachers alike. Yes, there were other parents who came to the school occasionally with one complaint or the other but Robert’s mother’s approach was fireworks, and quite frequent too. If there was a week she did not show up, that was the exception. If a fly so much as flew too close to Robert’s ear, she would be in the school causing a scene, even if that scene meant walking straight up to other students Robert reported to her for whatever, and scolding (Read as ‘confronting’) them. Of course the school had no idea because it was usually after hours, or it would not have ended well for her. Long story short, Robert eventually became that child that nobody wanted to interact with or play with for fear of being next in line for a ‘visit’ from his mother, for something you considered harmless play as a second-grader.

On multiple occasions where there has been an issue I would like to have a discussion with my child’s school about, I have asked myself: Am I Overreacting? Conversations I have had with other parents on this tells me I am not alone. One of the things that seems to keep coming back, even from people who have previously worked in education and early childhood development, is: “I don’t want to say anything so they don’t take it out on my child.” But does that mean parents cannot express any concerns or ask questions on anything at all just because they are concerned their child may pay the price?

Now older, and a mom myself, I can understand why my mother decided to focus on me and my being okay, instead of going to cause a scene at my school for every complaint. I will be sharing more on my interactions with my child’s school in my next post.

And oh, if you are wondering how my story in second grade ended with my mother, well her response was her usual: “Don’t mind her.” The entire fireworks expectation and the plan I had in mind fell in water. 🤣 🤣 🤣

All the best! Stay safe! Am I Overreacting? (II)

Happy New Year! Is it just me or 2022 seems to already have a lot of pressure and to-dos? Feels like this year, we had to hit the ground running. Anyway…

The holiday season is officially over (Don’t ask: ‘What about Constitution Day?’. 😏) Although most schools do not resume till next week, some schools are already back in session (no wonder it feels like the holiday traffic is just picking up from where it left off 😓). Returning to your pre-holiday routine and getting your child ready to go back to school is not as easy as wake them up, dress them up, drop them off. From making sure tuition fees are paid on time, to stocking up on school supplies and checking to make sure you got everything, the process can be quite stressful.

If your kids have been in full holiday mode, getting them to switch back to school mode can be challenging. As my ’40-year-old’ preschooler said during the holidays: “…we are having a party. Everybody is having a party!”. Well, the party is over and now it is time for serious business. But how do you make the switch without breaking down in the process? Here are a few things that work for me;

Talk it over. Have a conversation with your child and inform him/her that school is about to resume. Remind them of the routine for when school is in session, and what your expectations are; what you expect when it’s time to wake up, what you expect at bedtime, all of it.

Go back to your old ways. (I know how that sounds🤣🤭). Incorporate some things from your regular routine into your final days at home before school resumes. Breakfast time, wake up time, bedtime are a good start.

Bedtime. If you made any changes to bedtime like we did, it would be good to revert to bedtime for school nights to help them start to revert their sleep pattern to what it was before.

Include attention-building activities in their routine. If your child has had more screen time than usual during this season, now would be a good time to include more attention-building activities into their schedule and limit screen time significantly. Screen time tends to affect the attention span of children, leaving them distracted. Encourage time for some colouring, building blocks, counting, math practice, reading or writing practice (Am I the only one who had a different/ funny handwriting after every school break growing up?😂).

Plan meals. Having a plan for school lunch and dinner for the week can take off a lot of the pressure in your already busy schedule. You can make a list of easy-to-make meals and meal prep over the weekend.

Reminders. Remind your child about COVID safety protocols to observe whilst in school. This is also a good time to remind your child to play nice in school, listen to their teachers, try their hands at school work before they decide if it’s too challenging for them, and everything else.

Make a checklist. Make a list of everything that needs to be done or stocked up. Do a mental run through of what school mornings are like and confirm if you have everything needed for each stage; uniforms, socks, snacks, water bottle, everything.

Pray. Say a prayer for your child before you send them back to school. Any challenges from the previous term or semester, any blessing you have for them, or any behaviour you would like them to pick up or not exhibit, pray it. Speak it over their lives. Try to do this daily and watch them happen.

School reopening is good news for most parents but it can be stressful getting your child to adjust. The best time to get your child ready is well-ahead of reopening day. It’s a great thing there’s a holiday weekend coming up to allow enough time to switch things over and settle in.

Click on the link below to download my free Back-to-School Checklist. All the best! Happy Constitution Day!