#BreakingTheBias with the Proverbs 31 Woman

Back in high school, our French teacher would ask us to put a disclaimer after he dictated notes, saying: ‘These notes were dictated to me and the spellings you see are French spellings according to me and no one else.’ 🤣
So for this post, I’m just going to say: These are solely my thoughts, based on a recent experience..…

We have all heard of the Proverbs 31 woman and have most probably at some point been encouraged in a meeting, social group or church ladies’ event or something, to strive to be like her. But seriously, whenever I thought of this woman I used to think she sounded like a sleep-deprived over-worked possibly unappreciated woman providing everything for her family, doing DIY projects with linen and all, whilst her household chills at home, waiting to give her ‘fans’✌🏾. Oh wait, did I say at home? Her husband is even ‘hanging out’ casually at the city gate, taking credit for all her hardwork. 😳 …. or so I thought…

I cannot count the number of times I have found myself in conversations with other ladies where the question about balancing the various spheres of our lives has been asked. No, I am not referring to the frequently asked question about work-life balance that is posed during panel discussions where the panelists are predominantly female. No, not that. I mean real conversations with real people giving real scenarios on how to be truly present in our workplaces, businesses, ministries and calling, family and other relationships all at once.

A few weeks ago, I was in a conversation with one of my sisters over how busy our schedules had been. There was a lot going on for her at work, and I too was trying to adjust (together with my husband) to our new family routine, after our nanny had to leave for school. My sister and I had both a hectic couple of weeks and we needed an outlet. (Talking is therapy for my sisters and I 😅….. okay fine, one of us is more of a listener but still…😜). We concluded that we cannot stress ourselves and should focus on the essentials.

Later that night, I woke up to prep for the next day. It was something new I had started; sleeping early and then waking up to prep for the next day. Honestly, I expected to feel tired and sleepy when I initially started doing this, but I was surprised to find I was actually enjoying being up at that time. I could plan, strategize, write, think through my day. I got headstart on a lot of things. Then it clicked to me: No wonder the Proverbs 31 woman woke up when she did, it must have been a strategy. 🤭

I used to read Proverbs 31:15 and think: Ei, so if you wake up later than 3am does that make you a Proverbs 31 man instead??? Because it looks like the Proverbs 31 woman wakes up at dawn to go and bring food and money. So then you cannot sleep in ever, right? But that night, whilst I was reflecting on this scripture, I realised something: it was not about the hour of day, as I was thinking.

She rises up at night. This does not necessarily refer to a time on the clock but rather a period of the day and what it represents. It is the time everyone is still asleep so I can get into my head and get things done with minimal interruptions. It is not whilst changing diapers or helping with homework that I should try to strategize; neither will get done well. For me, the nighttime in your household is the time you can have a clear head whether night or day. So if that hour for you is late afternoons, so be it.

She rises up at night and provides food for her household. The nighttime is also when most activities that are harmful or destructive take place. The effect is not seen until the day breaks. That is the time the Proverbs 31 woman is up; countering it, praying, planning, strategizing. In the seasons where there is a family challenge – financial difficulty, a loss or whichever – it can be very difficult to stay focused and forge ahead. But she still plans and prepares for the time to come.

She instructs her maidservants. The Proverbs 31 woman identified people who she could trust to support her vision and ‘fill in the gaps.’ First thing is, she did not try to carry the weight of it all on her shoulders and do everything by herself, wearing herself out in the process. She delegates. This speaks to her leadership skills and people intelligence, without which I doubt she would have been able to influence those around her to deliver on their assignments and tasks.

She instructs her maidservants. The Proverbs 31 woman is also discerning. It takes a special people-reading ability to be able to trust someone to work with you to achieve your purpose and plan. Not everyone understands your vision and can work at it with you. I have had many unfortunate experiences entrusting things into the care of people I never should have trusted and learnt the hard way.

She is industrious. She sets targets and works at achieving them. She is a go-getter. She is healthy and strong. She considers her wellness and well-being, and prioritises her health.

She is kind and compassionate. Her work is recognised by many and her impact is felt in her community. She identifies a social issue and works at making it better.

There’s so much more to to learn from the Proverbs 31 woman, but if there’s anything that is clear to me (especially in this time of hectic schedules), it is that it is important to identify the essentials in each sphere of my life (in family, in ministry, at work, in business). Then, find a time where there is minimal to zero distractions to plan ahead and strategize, identify people I can trust to support my vision, delegate to those who can help and then execute.

Let’s normalise asking for help, and taking a break. So, instead of trying to be a ‘perfect’ mother, wife, daughter, entrepreneur, corporate executive, in-law all at once, focus on first, being a woman of God, walking in His Plan and Purpose, and everything else will fall in place.

Happy International Women’s Day! Here’s to making our voices heard and our influence felt. #BreakTheBias 🙅🏾‍♀️