How to get your child to cooperate with house rules in just 4 simple steps

Mummy, are we going to Kay’s house today?

No. You have homework to do.

I have homework to do?

Yes.

Why?

Because your teacher gave you homework.

My teacher gave me homework?

Yes.

Why?

To help you do well in school

To help me do well in school?

Yes.

Why?

Please I don’t know.

(*Pauses for 2 seconds….. then….*) Mummy can we go to Kay’s house to play?

No.

Why?

Me (thinking): *sigh* E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E time! Lord help me! *Face palm*

If at your job you were NEVER told your company’s dos and don’ts but you keep getting penalised every other day for doing one thing or the other, which you still had ABSOLUTELY NO idea about, would you still work there? Now you can imagine the confusion and frustration of a child who is called suddenly and punished, in the middle of what they consider play or regular behaviour.

Many parents, caregivers simply expect a child to know how to behave, and get frustrated or upset when children don’t. The truth is, even when children have been clearly informed of what they should and shouldn’t do, they may still test boundaries. Why? Well, it’s part of their character description…and also just because they can.

In my experience, I realised that communicating clearly to children, what your expectations of them are, goes a long way to guide them to better behaviour. Here are a few steps I’ve found useful over the years:

Begin by deciding and laying out household rules. What’s allowed? What’s not allowed? Can I be rude and get away with it? Can I hit you because I’m throwing a tantrum? Can I be mean to other children during play time? Am I allowed to play with electricity/fire?

Next, identify a correction (punishment) and reward system. Just like you may have different correction measures for a child, depending on what they did, you should have different rewards to encourage good behaviour. Try to stick with little simple rewards you can keep up with. I’ve found stickers to be loved by children of varying ages (and even some adults, lol). You could consider treats (bite-sized chocolate, low sugar gummies), fun activities (riding a bicycle), surprise presents (toys) or even trips to the playground.

After you decide on the rules, communicate them clearly to your child. You will be amazed at how much they understand. Explain which behaviours are acceptable and which ones are not. Ask your child if he/she has understood you. Ask the child to repeat some of the rules and describe some behaviour which are acceptable and unacceptable. Give an example and ask if that is good behaviour or bad behaviour, to be sure your child understands.

Now that your child understands the dos and don’ts, it’s time to explain the punishment and reward systems. Take your time to explain that there will be consequences for unacceptable behaviour, and little surprises for good behaviour. Communicate clearly what the punishment could be, but say the reward is a surprise. (Who doesn’t love surprises?) Be sure to give the reward as promised; keeping a surprise for too long will make them lose interest.

Remember, children will not just behave well just ‘because you said so’. They act based on their understanding and feelings… but then again, don’t we all?

All the best!