Nanny Relationship Dynamics (II)

In my earlier post I shared a few stories on nanny-hiring fails. In this post I’m sharing some things I have learned growing up with househelps, and things that have worked for me when hiring nannies. Hope they work for you too…

If there is anything I have learned about working with domestic helps and/or nannies, it is that hardly anything should be left to assumption. Until you have set a tone with your nanny or help over a period do not assume they will figure out exactly how you would like things to be. A few things I personally found useful…

BE CLEAR ON EXPECTATIONS

Be clear on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, right from the start. If your nanny/help has already been around a while, you can still have a sit-down to discuss this. This is not a you-are-stirring-the-stew-and-she-is-cutting-onions kind of conversation.  You need to plan and prepare for it. Spell out the your expectations in detail; leave little to nothing to discretion. People perceive things differently based on their own experiences and you will be amazed the wonders you may see in your home as a result.

SPELL OUT DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES CLEARLY

You may have had an interview and highlighted these prior to employing her but you cannot overemphasise this. It also serves as a reminder to your help so you don’t have your help later asking you if the person who did the laundry didn’t know she needed to hang the clothes to dry as well? ( Yes, there’s another unfortunate story there).

COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE

Be sure to communicate especially when there are changes. Do you have a house guest coming in? Communicate it and again be clear on your expectations. Encourage him/her to offer assistance when they can, expecting nothing from your guest in return. It does not matter if this is a young child spending a few days or an older relative coming from out of town. I know of a househelp who acted up towards a house-guest for dropping a throw-pillow on the floor. Live-ins, after staying with you a while, tend to consider your casa their casa and would not tolerate anyone disrespecting your (their) home. It can be a good thing, if you know how to channel it tactfully.

SET BOUNDARIES AND KEEP THEM

As much as possible, avoid discussing the details of your personal life with your help/nanny. She is not there to be your chit-chat buddy; you have friends and family for that. Your nanny/help does not need to know about your complicated in-law relationship, your opinion on your wife’s new diet, etc. Even when it is just a comment but not a full conversation,  you could end up blurring the boundary lines of your relationship with your help/nanny.

PERIODIC REVIEW

Have a sit-down with your help/nanny from time to time. This can be monthly or quarterly as you deem necessary. Ask how they’re finding the job. What has been the easiest part of the job? Any challenges? These discussions are also a good time to address any patterns that need to be changed. That is not to say you must endure unacceptable behaviour for weeks in the name of waiting for Sit-down Day though.

DAYS OFF WORK & BONUSES

It is ideal to discuss days off at the start of nanny’s/help’s employment. This helps you plan ahead for the days they would not be at work. Some nannies, especially live-ins, may say they do not require a day off. This is common when their families live out of town and they consider living with you a more comfortable arrangement. In such an instance, you could consider time blocks. So, during the weekend or a holiday season she can take a break to go and rest in her room without you interrupting.

You may find that things are not working out well with your help/nanny. This is not necessarily an indication that you are doing something wrong. In a work relationship, like with any relationship,  sometimes things just do not work out, and you need to let it go. All the best navigating the dynamics of your nanny relationship!

Photo credit: Pinterest

Did you employ a nanny/help? How did it go/how is it going? I’d love to hear your experiences, questions and comments!